Can you believe it?
Looking back at my first post prior to joining this course, it’s surreal where I am at now. It has been a long journey tinged with lots of sweat, tears and uncertainty. I remember scoffing at tutors when they said ‘this course is going to test all that you have’, thinking that they are a bunch of dramatics. I mean, how hard could it be?
As my views matured, I begun to gain a more realistic picture. The course not only asks you to be an excellent therapist, you’ll have to be a doctoral level researcher and academic too. It asks you to address excruciatingly painful unresolved issues. It asks you to carry your clients difficulties whilst managing your own anxieties of being a trainee. To top it off churning out essays and research is a given part of the course. It certainly brings to fore and augments the self doubts and criticisms that you try so hard to bury and forget. In the race to the finish line, our cohort have lost half of its members, people whom I’m sure the whole cohort holds dear to their heart. All of them were incredibly passionate about the field. In the past, I believed that determination is the root of all success, as long as you try your best, you’ll get there, but it seems that in reality, it’s much more complex than that. One can’t help but feel slightly jaded in the face of all that.
Having said that, you can’t help but look back and think, did I really do all those things? Was I really capable of those things? It takes a holiday to realise how much pent up tension I have held within me. I may be somewhat jaded but definitely more settled in my confidence.